This story needs a little bit of background info before it can be told. There are 3 things you need to know:
1. The people who live above me look like punk rock stars. The girl, I don't know her name so for the purpose of this blog I will call her Alice, has hair that changes colors almost daily. The boy, Zach, has a Mohawk 8 inches high. They both consistently dress in black - heavy on the eyeliner - and blare their music out of their cars.
2. Alice and Zach have extremely loud, angry sex 2-5 times per week.
3. There is a gay guy who lives on the third floor and walks his pug outside of my bedroom window. Let's call him Steve.
Now to the story...
Last night, at approximately 11 o'clock, I heard someone sobbing outside of my window. Now, I'm not talking about quiet cries and sniffles. I'm talking about full out heaving sorrow sobbing. I thought someone had died, or was dying, so being the concerned neighbor I am I decided to listen in. The first words I was able to make out were "B-b-b-b-b-but m-m-m-mom I just l-l-l-l-loved him so muuuuuuuuuuch! Ahhhhhhhhhhh it just hurts so much!"
Normally, I would act like any person with a heart and feel sympathy in the face of such sorrow, but it was all I could do not to start laughing. I'm sure you've all seen a movie where one of the characters just takes crying to a whole new level and it's hilarious - that's what this was.
As I'm listening to the plight of the devastated Steve I began to hear the tell tale sounds of the neighbors upstairs. They always begin with shouting, that progresses to yelling and screaming. Then there is a loud thud. It sounds a little bit like a body being thrown up against a wall, and it probably is. More screaming and shouting and then usually the (insert sarcasm) delightful thump-thump-thump of the headboard hitting the wall as they go at it.
So, last night I got to stay awake and listen to "Yes, yes, spank me harder Zach! Spank me! Spaaaaannnnnnkkkkk meeeee!" from upstairs and "Goooddddd, I feel l-l-l-like my h-h-h-heart is ripped out of my chest. Ohhhhhhhhh gooooooooooodddddd. I can't do this mom. It just hurts so mu-u-u-u-u-uch!"
Delightful.
